In Kenya today, we seem to have an explosion of the fake way of doing things. I have heard this tired phrase…fake it till you make bundled around in all platforms but didn’t quite expect people would embrace it this big.

Our media, be it mainstream, blogs, social media or even the gutter press is awash with fake stories of fake doctors, fake teachers, fake cops, fake lawyers, fake schools, fake night runners, fake whores, fake beggars…to name just but a few.

On a more serious note, every time I walk the real streets of Nairobi and look at the beggars lining the streets as busy Nairobians go about their businesses, be they fake or real, and wonder if indeed they are real beggars or the fake ones that own property but during the day their day job is begging.

As my mind is trying to digest that, I look around and see chemists all over the place selling all manner of drugs to Kenyans. I am not even sure if they are fake or real…but even if they were real…what about the drugs they sell? Have we not heard about fake drugs all over the place?

Anyway, let me not dwell there a lot because I have a long journey to make. I buy a newspaper and read about a story of a man who was caught somewhere in Kenya for stealing from unsuspecting men posing as a woman! The story is this man would dress as a woman and approach men…fake or real? Lure them into accepting to take ‘her ‘for the night and ultimately end up drugging them ( am sure using a real drug) and stealing from them!

In the same paper I read of night runners in western Kenya seeking recognition for their very important role of running in the night! Justifications? By running in the night, they keep thieves at bay and therefore contributing to the security and safety of the country! I am not sure but I think I also heard them say that they were also threatened by fake night runners.

At the matatu terminal, I board a mathree to my work place and as soon as I am in, the conductor stretches his hand for fare and I willingly hand him a crisp clean 100 shillings note….he looks at it with suspicion and squeezes it in his hands to confirm it is real. Problem? Well there is a lot of fake money in circulation.

In the office, as I am busy doing my job, I receive an sms on my phone…apparently I have won 100K in a competition I am not aware of and never participated! I politely asked the sender to use the money to buy the mother, struggling in the village with fetching fire woods, a meko to make her life easier.

The rest of my day is OK….it is a Friday anyway.

On Saturday morning, I decide to take my real car( 1989 model of Toyota, by then the fake business was not booming) to an estate fundi for check up. Now my junk had a small problem of becoming a boiler of some sort by turning the water in the radiator into steam…and I explain this to the mechanic…who starts by giving me his story of how he started as a driver in Mombasa with the then OTC and how he ultimately came to Nairobi. Several days later and my car was at his garage with no solution…the problem? Fake mechanic…

If I am to write this story to complete it, I need a fake tarmac road to write on….may be from Mombasa to Kisumu! So I have to cut it here…

But before I do that, my mind is still wondering how shall we deal with this? Am not sure prayers will work if the pastors we have are the Kanyaris! Not sure reporting to the police will work either if the cops we have are Waiganjos….am not sure the courts with all the fake judges and magistrates as has been demonstrated by the vetting processes, will work either

For some time I thought strong regulatory framework would help, but gauging by what is happening with our parliament and Ethics and Anti-corruption commission where the people supposed to be the watch dogs have becomes hyenas instead, I think that too will not work!

So, what will work? I don’t know because probably am also fake! Hahah

See you soon in the fake world.


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